Distance

"Just because we don't talk

 doesn't mean I don't think about you. 

I'm just trying to distance myself because I know

 I can't have you."

Sometimes I hold onto things I shouldn’t- usually, I hold onto people.  Even after our time together has long ended. I can, and will, openly acknowledge this trait might be one of my biggest faults. It’s a bad trait, because once these people are out of my life, I can’t stop thinking about them, or the memories I had with them. Even if the memories aren’t so nice. 

I’m a “people person”, always have been, always will be - so when I lose someone and reality sets in, it’s hard letting go. It hurts knowing things can never go back to the way they were, especially when the moments you have with certain people are moments you would give anything to go back to...

But I need to learn to stop living in the past; and live in the present.

My horoscope yesterday really knocked me off of my feet. I’m not someone who relies on my daily horoscope to run my life, but sometimes, I like to read what’s in the stars. And yesterday, it was quite fitting.

This is what it said:

“...If you're concerned about the love that certain close people have for you, you shouldn't try to over-compensate... This period is about keeping your distance and putting your relationships into perspective to see what they're really worth to you...”

Precise words which fit my mood.

Distance. 

Yes, I’m distant, very distant from my home. And yes, I’m very distant from my friends and family.

BUT - I must LEARN to distance myself from people, who have hurt me, or who I can’t have any longer. Memories are beautiful; moments in time which I will never forget. But they are the past - not my present. I need to bottle them up, and put them away in a safe place. That way if I ever want to relive them, I know where to find them, but I'm not relying on the past to get me through my present.

Heartaches, heartbreaks, sadness, loneliness; these are all emotions we can’t control. But I'm slowly learning we can control what we do to fill the void in our hearts. Distance will help; now I just need to master it.