My Little Sister

While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.
~Angela Schwindt

Eight months - eight months I have spent living in Rome, doing exactly as I expected; teaching English, learning Italian, eating gelato, drinking wine.

But one thing happened that I wasn’t completely ready for: becoming attached to a 4-year old bundle of happiness who has taught me more than I may have taught her. 

I’ve learned patience; that every little moment should be handled with care and consideration. I learned to appreciate the small things; talking a walk and picking flowers, playing on the swings for hours - all these activities plus so many more have lightened my spirit, brought joy to my heart.

As I pack my bags, and take down the pictures Bea has drawn for me, I reflect on our time together, and wonder when I will see her again. How old will she be? Will she remember our time together? Having a “little sister” is something to treasure forever and I can only hope I’ve made a positive impact on her. I look forward to seeing her grow and learn and even though I’m sad to leave her, I have no doubts I will see her again, because I don’t believe in “goodbyes”, just “see ya laters”

Inspiration By Water

"At the beach, life is different. Time doesn't move hour to hour but mood to moment. We live by the currents, plan by the tides, and follow the sun."

Anonymous

I was passing through some of my photos at the beach, and I was in awe of the beauty of the water I have seen in Italy...it was mesmorizing to me. Even after having seen these photos plenty of times, I felt fresh - alive! 

I hope you find them as tranquil and peaceful and inspiring as I have. So as Summer fads into Fall, and Winter draws near, remember the warmth, and the beauty of simple water. It can surely cleanse and revive the soul. Another simple gift God has blessed us with.

In Perfect Time

“The best thing about dreams is that fleeting moment, when you are between asleep and awake, when you don't know the difference between reality and fantasy, when for just that one moment you feel with your entire soul that the dream is reality, and it really happened.”

These past two nights, I have had the most vivid and beautiful dreams; filled with people who have affected my life in such a way that just the thought of them warms my heart. I love that feeling, described in the quote above, where I am slowly awakening from my slumber, but my dream is so vivid and real. I believe I could reach out and touch those in my dream. But, they are so delicate, I’m afraid a touch will make them vanish.

Someone once told me a dream is a wish your heart makes.

If that is true, then my heart is wishing for the same thing every night.

When reality sets in, and I realize that beautiful music in the background of my dream is really the annoying “ping” of my alarm clock, I dread opening my eyes. 

But, I know that night after night, I will continue to dream, and my heart will continue to wish, and in all perfect timing, those wishes will come true. And I will no longer have to dream. <3

Sense of Urgency

"So from now on when you think of me, 

just remember that I could have been the best thing you ever had."

Outside of my window, the sun is sending it’s warmth into my bedroom. Somehow, there is a cool breeze today. Quite a relief since I feel like I’m going through the early-stages of menopause!

As I lay in my room, taking in the last few minutes of my siesta, I’m filled with a sense of urgency.

An urgency to do so many things. 

• Learn this language.
• Go on an adventure.
• Fold my laundry....obviously that will wait

This morning, I Skyped with one of my dearest friends back home in DuBois. We were, like usual, complaining about the complexity of the male species. No matter how detailed our conversations get, or how much advice we offer one another, we always seem to come to the same conclusion: men are stupid (ok that's a BIT harsh).

In her case, she has been holding back from expressing herself to someone she has been eyeing up for several months now. No matter what attempts she makes, he seems completely clueless to her feelings. 

As I’m listening to her, trying to relate my experiences to her situation, I came to this sensation, this feeling of urgency; the desire to stop resisting, stop holding back, and begin taking charge. 

I told her she needed to find this sense of urgency I had discovered, and take the “bull-by-the-horns” and go after what she wants.

I said she had to make it known to this person-of-interest how she really feels. In my mind, if she doesn’t at least open up and allow him to know how she feels, she will never know what “might have been.”

My past experiences, past and present relationships, and the like, all could have benefitted from my this advice...my own advice I’m giving to my friend! 

Hopefully, she considers my words, and realizes the sense of urgency in this situation.

This "epiphany" I had this morning helped me draw a conclusion about this complicated world. In order to get what you want in life, you CAN'T sit back and just wish for it, you need to stand up, go out into the world, and get what you want, desire, and deserve the most.

This notion doesn’t just apply to ventures towards the opposite-sex (or same-sex for that matter), it applies to life in general. 

Find urgency within you to accomplish what you want most in life, 

for we only have one life to live.

No regrets.

The Essence of Play

"The Essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets

 that we reluctantly shared with traffic." - Bill Cosby

A room full of toys; stuffed animals, barbies, coloring books. You name it, Bea has it all, somewhere. Toys and gizmos that would most definitely keep a child happy and occupied without a care in the world for days and days.

But I’ve come to realize it’s not the number of toys she has, it’s her imagination that is important. A gift from God that we must never lose - no matter how old and “responsible” we become.

Yesterday, after lunch, I sat at the kitchen table with Bea and watched her create Il Lago di Pasta, or, Lake Pasta. A simple kitchen bowl filled with Winnie the Pooh pasta, water, and Hello Kitty toys. 

Sounds simplistic, as it was, but as I watched her intently, I could almost see the gears in her head turning; she was developing a masterpiece and her imagination was taking her to far off places.  

For a good hour Bea’s creativity soared through the roof and I couldn’t help but smile. The energy surrounding her and her happiness at the simplest task was contagious.

It was then I realized the utmost importance of play. I recall craving long, hot summer afternoons at “Castle Park” with my mom and brother, or running my “Wolf Den” restaurant in the basement of my house. I could be anyone and anything I wanted to be, with a few toys and my imagination, I ran the world and 

accomplished all my dreams.

Through play and imagination we develop our sense of self - what we want to be when we “grow-up”.

If we can make our imaginations become realities at the age of 4, why now, when we are older, can’t we do the same?

I believe we can.

By watching Bea I realize I can let my imagination soar and I can accomplish anything I want. 

A little imagination, a pinch of creativity, and a towel to clean up the mess and we all can find our joys, even if they are as simple as Lake Pasta.

Say Your Prayers - Marissa's Cooking Dinner Tonight

"The trouble with eating Italian food is that 5 or 6 days later you're hungry again." -George Miller, British writer

As we speak, I am preparing my first home-cooked meal for Francesca, Vincenzo and Beatrice. Honestly, this is a scary task at hand. It’s not only the idea that I have to prepare a meal for another family, or prepare a meal that they will enjoy, it’s the fact that I must prepare this meal for an Italian family in ITALY. 

Italy. 

The mother of all kitchens; restaurants; recipes; the best food and wine you could ask for. The country known for the way they prepare their meals, celebrate with food, etc. The list goes on.

I should stop now. I’m most likely going to fail.

But if I stop, then tonight, no one will have any food for dinner.

(Not quite sure what is worse; my cooking, or not eating...)

I nominated my Dad for providing me with his famous chili recipe after discovering both Francesca and Vincenzo had eaten this in America, as well as my mom’s chocolate chip recipe.

Hearty, fresh, homemade Chili. Mom’s old fashioned Chocolate Chip Cookies.

Sounds great...now only if I succeed. We will see!

I’m off to check on the cookies - I already burnt the first batch. 

AIUTO! AIUTO!
....
Well, it's 10pm. Dinner is finished. And I am happy to report it went amazingly well :)
No one died, the house is still standing, AND to top it off - everyone loved my meal.


I did it! I can cook!
Vincenzo said I'm becoming a real Italian woman.
I think I'll take that as a compliment!
Buonanotte amici :)

A Long, Hard Week...And It's Only Monday

I’m exhausted. And It’s only Monday. 

My head is spinning and I can’t wait for sleep tonight. That’s sad, considering it’s only 10:05. 

Today was a rough day with Bea. After school, I could immediately tell something was wrong; she wasn’t smiling, she wasn’t happy...and somehow I felt this was my fault?

Patience. Just be patient. 

I tried telling myself this over and over today, but I couldn’t for long; she wouldn’t listen, she wouldn’t eat, and she was not her typical self. 

Finally, I had enough. 

I turned off our songs, cleared the table, told her she wasn’t allowed milk and biscotti (a tradition of ours) and let her sit by herself without paying any attention to her.

I felt horrible inside!

I’ve never had to be stern with her before, but today I had too show her that I wasn’t a pushover and that she couldn’t get away with misbehaving (not that she was). 

I could see in her eyes that she knew she was not behaving like herself, and that she was hurting my feelings by her behavior. 

She is intelligent; smart, clever, and I appreciate this about her. I think it makes it easier to communicate with her, since she is observant and smart. But still, I wanted to scream.

But I didn't know what was wrong!

What was I doing?

After different attempts, I realized to get her to play and be herself, I needed to play; I put on our music, started coloring and she would peek her head in the kitchen to see what I was doing. I asked her to help me, and she did.

Thank god...

We played, ate strawberries and milk, and we sang.

The day got better, but I am drained.

This is a terribly difficult situation. I want nothing more than to have fun with Bea, but I need her to realize this is not a game and that I am serious.

Confession:

I never realized how difficult it was to watch children (let alone raise them). I can now understand what it’s like to be a mom, but the scary thing is, I don’t know if I could ever see myself being a mom...at least a good enough one.

How would I ever have the patience?

Props to my mom; for her patience, constant love, understanding and discipline.

I guess I can only hope my efforts help Bea grow and learn, and that she loves me just the same; no matter if I turn our songs off or not 

Race For The Cure...Ancient Rome Style!

La Corsa Per La Lotta AI Tumori Del Seno

Susan G. Komen Italia

Since becoming an avid runner, I always wanted to participate in the Susan G. Komen Race For The Cure 5K. I’ve known many women who have fought the battle against breast cancer; it is a fight I have never battled, but running for such a great cause and for such a beautiful celebration of womanhood seemed fitting.

Not realizing the immense size of the Komen foundation, I was shocked when Francesca registered me for the race, in ROME! I knew Komen was huge in America, but had no idea it covered worldwide.

Today, my friend Sabrina and I were able to participate in this exact race - in ROME!

We went into the center of Rome, leaving Ostia at 8 am (on a Sunday, this was rough) and arriving shortly after. 

The size of the crowd was unbelievable!

Thousands and thousands of people; walkers, runners, spectators, survivors, families....you name it, they were there.

Not only was the company wonderful, the route left me speechless (maybe more so than the running) ! During the 5K, we passed through ANCIENT ROME;  Circo Massimo, Colosseo, Piazza Venezia (and probably several other sites I missed trying to avoid falling on the pebblestone streets). 

To me, it was a HUGE deal to be passing by such historical landmarks, but to everyone surrounding me, it was just another day in the life of a Roman....che bella vita!!

It was an honor to run in a race that matter such a great deal to so many people, and it was truly beautiful to run this race in Rome!

Four Weeks

“We don't have an eternity to realize our dreams, 

only the time we are here.”

It’s hard to believe, but an entire month has passed by since I packed my bags and headed through security at Philadelphia International. I was seeking out a dream; a wish my heart, mind and soul had craved for months and months and months.

In one month, I can honestly say I have learned so much; not only the fundamentals of a foreign language, but the difficulty of teaching a child, the strength of Italian espresso, what NOT to wear (including bathrobes), but, most importantly, I have learned a lot about myself. 

I’ve discovered strength; strength to get up every morning knowing that I have to challenge myself to adapt to a completely different culture.  Living out of my comfort zone is hard, but I’ve always liked a good challenge.

I have learned patience (and am still learning); I realize I need patience to successfully help Beatrice grow and learn, as well as developing patience while learning this language (I expected to be fluent in two weeks).

I have learned admiration; how to step back and admire the beauty of God’s creations. I know how to slow down and take in a sunset, or walk around the ruins of Ancient Rome and feel the power and magic they possess. I realize there is much more to life than the chaos I have experienced in my past. By stopping to smell the roses, I can enjoy life’s simple pleasures (and I save money too).

I have discovered loneliness; I live with a wonderful family, I’ve made friends, but I am on my own and lacking the security I had at home. But with this revelation, I seek the goodness and love that surrounds me day-to-day and I realize with time, this sensation will disappear.

Four weeks; it’s not a lot of time, but if I have learned this much in a month, I can’t wait to see where the next 5 months take me. 

Distance

"Just because we don't talk

 doesn't mean I don't think about you. 

I'm just trying to distance myself because I know

 I can't have you."

Sometimes I hold onto things I shouldn’t- usually, I hold onto people.  Even after our time together has long ended. I can, and will, openly acknowledge this trait might be one of my biggest faults. It’s a bad trait, because once these people are out of my life, I can’t stop thinking about them, or the memories I had with them. Even if the memories aren’t so nice. 

I’m a “people person”, always have been, always will be - so when I lose someone and reality sets in, it’s hard letting go. It hurts knowing things can never go back to the way they were, especially when the moments you have with certain people are moments you would give anything to go back to...

But I need to learn to stop living in the past; and live in the present.

My horoscope yesterday really knocked me off of my feet. I’m not someone who relies on my daily horoscope to run my life, but sometimes, I like to read what’s in the stars. And yesterday, it was quite fitting.

This is what it said:

“...If you're concerned about the love that certain close people have for you, you shouldn't try to over-compensate... This period is about keeping your distance and putting your relationships into perspective to see what they're really worth to you...”

Precise words which fit my mood.

Distance. 

Yes, I’m distant, very distant from my home. And yes, I’m very distant from my friends and family.

BUT - I must LEARN to distance myself from people, who have hurt me, or who I can’t have any longer. Memories are beautiful; moments in time which I will never forget. But they are the past - not my present. I need to bottle them up, and put them away in a safe place. That way if I ever want to relive them, I know where to find them, but I'm not relying on the past to get me through my present.

Heartaches, heartbreaks, sadness, loneliness; these are all emotions we can’t control. But I'm slowly learning we can control what we do to fill the void in our hearts. Distance will help; now I just need to master it.

Bathrobes

There are many differences between American culture and Italian culture. Some are more apparent than others, but there is one I would have NEVER expected:

Bathrobes.

Yes, bathrobes.

Che stranno....how strange, I know.

Sunday evening, Bea and Vincenzo went out and bought me a beautiful bathrobe. It was quite a surprise to get a gift at such a random time from them, but, I had a feeling it was coming.

Bathrobes, to me, are something I might throw on in the morning (key word here is might), when I’m cold, or after a shower before I dress. But they aren’t a necessity. 

Here, bathrobes are essential. And, since I didn’t bring one, it seemed like the end of the world that I didn’t have one to wear.

So, now I have one, and I’m gong to wear it all the time. Even if it’s weird.

Fontana di Trevi

There is a certain sparkle to the Fontana di Trevi. I can't explain it, but if you've ever seen it in person, you would understand. This spot right here is my favorite spot in Rome. Despite the huge crowds of tourists surrounding the fountain every day, I love visiting it.

When I'm near it - I feel it's strength; its magic, and power. The fountain is massive in size, but beautiful beyond words, almost as if it was sculpted by the gods as a tribute to their unending beauty and power.

Going sightseeing by yourself has its perks, so when I ventured into the city Sunday to familiarize myself with my new city - making a stop at this magical entity was a must!