In Love With Scooters

“Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate.”

-Captain Jack Sparrow

I often speak of the simple beauty of Rome. The magic that surrounds this city. With every step taken on a cobblestone road, and every ancient landmark passed on the way to work, the atmosphere is simply enchanting.

One of my deepest desires, and wishes has been to ride around Rome, touring the city on a motorbike. When I was in Reggio, all my friends and I dreamed of riding a vespa. It’s a fear of mine, but as they say... 

“When in Rome.”   

I love the idea of touring Rome in the open air, 
with the wind in my face (despite realizing I will have major helmet head). I never thought I would get the chance to ride on a scooter through Rome, but yesterday,
 I crossed this wish off my bucket list!

Making a bucket list helped me realize the importance of adventure. Of facing your fears and diving head first into a world of unknown things and territories.

Helen Keller said it best, that
“Life is either a great adventure or nothing”.

I choose a great adventure.

So in the city with horrible, horrible drivers, a lack of respect for the rules of the road,  little cars, angry Romans, and scooters flying in and out of every corner of the city, I chose to hop on the back of a motorbike and conquer a fear.

Safe? That is yet to be determined.

The bike looked a little something like this:

The driver looked similar to this:

I might have seen death flash before my eyes, but, it was all worth it.  A tour around ancient Rome on the back of a scooter driven my own personal Jack Sparrow, I'll take it. 
A simple beauty driving around Ancient Rome, a simple treasure I will cherish.

In Perfect Time

“The best thing about dreams is that fleeting moment, when you are between asleep and awake, when you don't know the difference between reality and fantasy, when for just that one moment you feel with your entire soul that the dream is reality, and it really happened.”

These past two nights, I have had the most vivid and beautiful dreams; filled with people who have affected my life in such a way that just the thought of them warms my heart. I love that feeling, described in the quote above, where I am slowly awakening from my slumber, but my dream is so vivid and real. I believe I could reach out and touch those in my dream. But, they are so delicate, I’m afraid a touch will make them vanish.

Someone once told me a dream is a wish your heart makes.

If that is true, then my heart is wishing for the same thing every night.

When reality sets in, and I realize that beautiful music in the background of my dream is really the annoying “ping” of my alarm clock, I dread opening my eyes. 

But, I know that night after night, I will continue to dream, and my heart will continue to wish, and in all perfect timing, those wishes will come true. And I will no longer have to dream. <3

Sense of Urgency

"So from now on when you think of me, 

just remember that I could have been the best thing you ever had."

Outside of my window, the sun is sending it’s warmth into my bedroom. Somehow, there is a cool breeze today. Quite a relief since I feel like I’m going through the early-stages of menopause!

As I lay in my room, taking in the last few minutes of my siesta, I’m filled with a sense of urgency.

An urgency to do so many things. 

• Learn this language.
• Go on an adventure.
• Fold my laundry....obviously that will wait

This morning, I Skyped with one of my dearest friends back home in DuBois. We were, like usual, complaining about the complexity of the male species. No matter how detailed our conversations get, or how much advice we offer one another, we always seem to come to the same conclusion: men are stupid (ok that's a BIT harsh).

In her case, she has been holding back from expressing herself to someone she has been eyeing up for several months now. No matter what attempts she makes, he seems completely clueless to her feelings. 

As I’m listening to her, trying to relate my experiences to her situation, I came to this sensation, this feeling of urgency; the desire to stop resisting, stop holding back, and begin taking charge. 

I told her she needed to find this sense of urgency I had discovered, and take the “bull-by-the-horns” and go after what she wants.

I said she had to make it known to this person-of-interest how she really feels. In my mind, if she doesn’t at least open up and allow him to know how she feels, she will never know what “might have been.”

My past experiences, past and present relationships, and the like, all could have benefitted from my this advice...my own advice I’m giving to my friend! 

Hopefully, she considers my words, and realizes the sense of urgency in this situation.

This "epiphany" I had this morning helped me draw a conclusion about this complicated world. In order to get what you want in life, you CAN'T sit back and just wish for it, you need to stand up, go out into the world, and get what you want, desire, and deserve the most.

This notion doesn’t just apply to ventures towards the opposite-sex (or same-sex for that matter), it applies to life in general. 

Find urgency within you to accomplish what you want most in life, 

for we only have one life to live.

No regrets.

The Simple Joy of A Child

“If you carry your childhood with you, 

you never become older.” 

Tom Stoppard, Brittish Playwright 1937

I was blessed as a child to have a loving family dedicated to bringing me joy and happiness every day. My childhood was filled with many memories of happy, joyous days; trips to the park and to my grandma’s house, Disney shows on ice, weekends in Pittsburgh, Christmas celebrations, birthday parties...the list goes on. 

Even as I grew older, my brother and I knew we could always count of our parents to support us and to this day, they continue to give us the world. 

Childhood is a precious time in every life, and I’m beginning to realize that even more as I interact with a young child every day. I see the happiness the simplest things bring her; like a coloring book, or freshly-picked flowers from the side of the road.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all have the joy a young child feels day in and day out? As I watch Bea play, and tell stories to her parents, I’m immediately filled with happiness just seeing her smile.

This morning, I had Bea all too myself as her mom is in Texas and her dad had to fly to Milan this morning. Since she is so young, I know the sadness she feels when she wakes up and neither of her parents are here to greet her, but with patience and warm milk, her sadness evaporates to happiness (eventually).

As people grow older, and responsibilities mount - schedules to maintain, work to complete, bills to pay, many find it increasingly difficult to maintain a positive and optimistic outlook. For me, a warm and happy personality suits me, but I worry that as I get older, I will fall into the same routines that many people I know have fallen into - and their happiness is sacrificed for these ‘routines’.

This thought scares me. I never want to lose the joy I feel in my heart every morning when I wake up (even if I’m crabby and need 3 coffees to get my brain firing). I never want to lose the sparkle in my eyes, the same sparkle I see in Bea, or the carefree smile that overcomes me when my heart is about to burst.

I think it is important to interact with children, and see the simple joy of their happiness. It helps me realize that no matter what stresses we feel, or insecurities we have, if we take a few minutes everyday to enjoy life like a 4-year-old, we would have much more joy and innocence in our lives.

So that is what I strive for, and will continue to strive for - I want to carry the happiness I felt as I child, and am reminded of when I watch Bea, every where I go. And I think you should do the same! Stop and pick some wild flowers, or spend a day coloring - I promise your heart will thank you!

Distance

"Just because we don't talk

 doesn't mean I don't think about you. 

I'm just trying to distance myself because I know

 I can't have you."

Sometimes I hold onto things I shouldn’t- usually, I hold onto people.  Even after our time together has long ended. I can, and will, openly acknowledge this trait might be one of my biggest faults. It’s a bad trait, because once these people are out of my life, I can’t stop thinking about them, or the memories I had with them. Even if the memories aren’t so nice. 

I’m a “people person”, always have been, always will be - so when I lose someone and reality sets in, it’s hard letting go. It hurts knowing things can never go back to the way they were, especially when the moments you have with certain people are moments you would give anything to go back to...

But I need to learn to stop living in the past; and live in the present.

My horoscope yesterday really knocked me off of my feet. I’m not someone who relies on my daily horoscope to run my life, but sometimes, I like to read what’s in the stars. And yesterday, it was quite fitting.

This is what it said:

“...If you're concerned about the love that certain close people have for you, you shouldn't try to over-compensate... This period is about keeping your distance and putting your relationships into perspective to see what they're really worth to you...”

Precise words which fit my mood.

Distance. 

Yes, I’m distant, very distant from my home. And yes, I’m very distant from my friends and family.

BUT - I must LEARN to distance myself from people, who have hurt me, or who I can’t have any longer. Memories are beautiful; moments in time which I will never forget. But they are the past - not my present. I need to bottle them up, and put them away in a safe place. That way if I ever want to relive them, I know where to find them, but I'm not relying on the past to get me through my present.

Heartaches, heartbreaks, sadness, loneliness; these are all emotions we can’t control. But I'm slowly learning we can control what we do to fill the void in our hearts. Distance will help; now I just need to master it.

Telling My Story...

Every life has it’s own story.

What’s truly beautiful is when one story crosses another...creating something new, something even more beautiful than one can imagine.

This keeps life exciting, fresh. You never know whose path you may cross, creating a new chapter for your story.

My story is long and complicated, filled with ups and downs, trials and tribulations, friendship and deception, but most importantly, it has been filled with love. Family, friends...

There are many chapters for me to share, but I have one chapter to my story that seems too good to be true. 

And it is. But, it’s such a beautiful story to tell. A complete and utter dream, that I still can’t wrap my head around.

Maybe I lived a fantasy. Or a fairytale. 

My friends say I should write a book...but do I want the world to know of my story? One that Disney could quite possibly turn into a classic? Well, if they had PG-13 movies at least...

Living in this dreamworld I’m in, its seems almost fitting. To tell a story set in Italy, filled with music, wine, dancing...love...Amore

Ahh amore.

What a sweet, and intoxicating word. Innocent - yet, completely dangerous all in one.

So I’ll share my story, piece by piece, because reliving the moments bring them back to me, and I could relive them over and over again.

So...I guess I’ll start with the grandpa’s :) 

Always Be My Baby

“I know in my heart baby,

 that you will always be mine...”

Music often speaks to me, as it does everyone. There is someway it reaches deep into the depths of my soul and can set the mood for any occasion. 

Yesterday, I was relying a lot on music to get me through a roller coaster of emotions.

But there was one song that kept playing over and over again in my head...

You ever hear a song and it takes you back to a specific moment in time? It’s like a complete and utter flashback to your past where you remember everything and anything, no matter how important or silly the moment was?

Yea...you know what I’m feeling then.

I met with someone yesterday, who has had my heart, and probably always will have it, to some extent at least. 

Meeting with this person, for the first time in 9 months was more nerve-racking for me than Lebron trying to hit a clutch shot at the end of a game...

(Ok, that’s harsh, but, I’m bitter after the Lakers lost)

During my venture into Rome, I relied on Usher to keep my feeling sexy and confident.

My insides were curling like my hair on a hot, humid day. The least I could do was try to LOOK good on the outside.

Usher worked pretty good, actually pretty awesome, until my eyes met with those all-too familiar dark chestnut eyes...

Then BAM! flashabck....immediately, music began playing over and over in my head.

I remember the first day like it was yesterday:

The first day in Reggio; the sun bronzing my completely pale skin, my friends surrounded by me screaming

“Woah baby, look at that sexy man!”

“We were as one baby, for a moment in time...”

I remember the last day. That look in his eyes as I headed through security, and boarded that plane...

“And it seemed everlasting, that you would always be mine...”

And yesterday surely confirmed these flashbacks, and added a little bit more...

“...Cause you’ll always be my baby.”

Music can do strange things to people. But when the words speak to you so perfectly, it’s like God’s way of speaking to you, and bringing you joy, sorrow, happiness, laughter...whatever you want...whenever you want it.

No matter what song remixes in my head next. This song will always have those moments in time. 

No matter when I hear it. 

No matter where I hear it. 

It won’t matter....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfRNRymrv9k

There Are No Words

"Italy, and the spring 

and first love all together

should suffice to make the gloomiest person happy."

--Bertrand Russell

View from the beach house in Ostia.

It will be a beautiful summer!

For Good

"Who Can Say If I've Been Changed For The Better, But, Because I Knew You, I Have Been Changed For Good."

Last night I met up with one of my most cherished friends. Jill and I have been close since 8th grade, and we have been through it all! I hadn’t seen her in literally 4 months, but, despite our time apart, it felt as if we hadn’t missed a beat. 

We were that annoying old couple sitting at an Eat n’ Park talking for over three hours  about life, family, jobs...boys. 

There was a lot of laughter, some tears, but most importantly, there was love.

Simple, basic and pure love between two friends.

No matter how much distance is between us, or the length of time we go without seeing each other, the love NEVER dies. 

This is true for all of the friends in my life I love. 

Next Tuesday as I bored my plane to Rome two things will be on my mind:

1. When will I get to eat gelato?
2. When will I see the people I love again?

I can’t tell you how scared I am to move to a strange place knowing I will be without my friends. If I could, I would pack up each and every one of you and put you in my suitcase.

I know that is not realistic.

I know we all have destinies to fulfill, our own lives to live, and different places to go. 

Never underestimate the power of friendship. I am the person I am today because of my friends, and I love you all with my entire soul for being in my life.

I wish I could name all of you, but you know who you are.

You’re the ones I laugh hysterically in front of; smile uncontrollably at; drink loads of alcohol and watch stupid movies with. 

You’re the ones who hang out with my parents and wait for me when I’m 45 minutes late.

You meet me for Starbucks, or talk with me on the phone for hours. You make fun of me, all the while making sure I know you’re being sarcastic. You complain with me about work and our jobs, but then hang around Whiskers or an unnamed radio joint just for the company. 

When people try to hurt me, you stand up for me; and when I’m down, you pick me up.

You play basketball with me, then get dressed to the nines for a night out. You laugh at my obsessions with the Backstreet Boys and Kobe Bryant, but you let me sing out loud when I feel the need. We dance to Lady Gaga and Rihanna, and you save me from the most faithful creepers of all.

You hug me when I need it, or just cause, and you support me, through thick and thin.

And most importantly, you love me, ‘cause I’m amazing, Just The Way I Am :) 

We all have people come in and out of our life.

Sometimes, it hurts when we lose someone, Other times, its freeing to let go and live.

Either way, I know everyone who has been in my life has impacted me in some way, shape or form. And for that, I am thankful.

As I prepare for this move, please know one thing. No matter where I go, or how far we are from one another, I will carry your presence, your love and your friendship with me wherever I go.

Wicked, the smashing broadway musical says it best in the song “FOR GOOD”

"It well may be 

That we will never meet again 

In this lifetime 

So let me say before we part 

So much of me 

Is made of what I learned from you 

You'll be with me 

Like a handprint on my heart 

And now whatever way our stories end 

I know you have re-written mine 

By being my friend.."

.